After completing the valentine's day project, all of my demons came racing to the surface, not right away, but over a period of the next few days. They came scratching at the inner walls of my being bring with it meaningless self doubt, worry and my worse fear, rejection. Because after it's all said and done, "what will people think of me?" This was the reason I created and planned this project in the first place. I wanted to live outside of my comfort zone. I wanted to love myself more then the possibility of rejection. I wanted to have the courage to love my sexuality openly as the opportunity was ideally available to me. I wanted to act on my vision because I never do, instead I'd just be content with being ordinary. However, that's not who God created me to be and I am starting to realize that more and more with each passing day. I was born with vision, an imagination so broad and so vast that I cannot even began to explain it to you. It's my talent.
Valentine's day was a beautiful day to love yourself. I bought myself all of the things a Valentines should, a big soft and cuddly bear, lingerie, bath and body works, chocolate and wine. I lit a fire and had my niece over to document the gesture of self-love. There was only one thing that I forgot, which was the most important to me.. to burn a bay leaf with the phrase "fear of rejection" written on it. I am wondering now if this could be the reason I am struggling emotional. It is said that if you write on a bay leaf what you want to release or let go, then burn it, is a powerful ritual in manifesting a desired reality by unblocking your mind from limiting beliefs. I missed the chance that night, yet today is another perfect opportunity that will not go unmissed.
There are people who will claim they want to love you, but there will never be anyone who can love you the way God and you yourself can love you. It's only a choice away.. Love yourself flawless.