Category: Poems & Writings - Chicly Soigné Bon Viveur

Happy Valentine's Day

2/16/2019

After completing the valentine's day project, all of my demons came racing to the surface, not right away, but over a period of the next few days. They came scratching at the inner walls of my being bring with it meaningless self doubt, worry and my worse fear, rejection. Because after it's all said and done, "what will people think of me?" This was the reason I created and planned this project in the first place. I wanted to live outside of my comfort zone. I wanted to love myself more then the possibility of rejection. I wanted to have the courage to love my sexuality openly as the opportunity was ideally available to me. I wanted to act on my vision because I never do, instead I'd just be content with being ordinary. However, that's not who God created me to be and I am starting to realize that more and more with each passing day. I was born with vision, an imagination so broad and so vast that I cannot even began to explain it to you. It's my talent.

Valentine's day was a beautiful day to love yourself. I bought myself all of the things a Valentines should, a big soft and cuddly bear, lingerie, bath and body works, chocolate and wine. I lit a fire and had my niece over to document the gesture of self-love. There was only one thing that I forgot, which was the most important to me.. to burn a bay leaf with the phrase "fear of rejection" written on it. I am wondering now if this could be the reason I am struggling emotional. It is said that if you write on a bay leaf what you want to release or let go, then burn it, is a powerful ritual in manifesting a desired reality by unblocking your mind from limiting beliefs. I missed the chance that night, yet today is another perfect opportunity that will not go unmissed.

There are people who will claim they want to love you, but there will never be anyone who can love you the way God and you yourself can love you. It's only a choice away.. Love yourself flawless.

You Are In The Spotlight

2/9/2019

Maybe I am just a millennial baby or possibly living in nostalgia, but what happened to the once premier shopping destination, Esplanade mall? As teenagers my peers and I would beg our mothers, fathers, older sisters or brothers to take us to the MALL and where I'm from Esplanade Mall, to be exact! LOL.. I have created so many memories there. Yet with all things, nothing remains the same forever. Furthermore, as with life there are ups and downs. Somewhat of a roller coaster ride with extreme highs and lows. On a side note, I have recently been wanting to go to a theme park just to get on a roller coaster, It's been years now! So, what was once a bustling location is now mostly desolate, minus the tumble weeds. With very few retail locations left, I decided to take a stroll down memory lane. It's funny, but I can actually remember what stores were where.

I When "Spotlight for You" first entered the Esplanade Mall back in 2012 a buzz of rumors circulated the community about the possible founder of the retailer, as I am sure it was unbeknownst to the owner. Nevertheless, most patrons imagined that the fashion retailer was a new business. Yet, in 1999 Spotlight started under the name "Spoiled Rotten" as a DBA in the New Orleans Centre mall, located off of Poydras Street in New Orleans, Louisiana, which is now the site for Champion Square. The rumors were then demystified in that moment of truth. Interestingly, one should never believe everything you hear, do a bit of research and I am positive you will be surprised to know the truth. "Spoiled Rotten" later moved to the Lake Forest Plaza mall in 2000 based in Eastern New Orleans as "Spotlight for Women." Not long after the devastation of Hurricane Katrina, Spotlight resiliently packed up and moved to the Perimeter mall in Atlanta, Georgia under it's current name "Spotlight for You." This particular location just closed its doors January of this year due to a buy out of the wing it was housed in by a very big retail brand.

With Mardi Gras ball season just beginning, I decided it would be fun to try on a few gowns that are displayed so beautifully in the window at Spotlight. Upon entering, I was greeted by a friendly and knowledgeable associate, who I later found out was the operations manager named Toya. She gather a bit of information from me about my size and what I was shopping for and then helped me pick out a few pieces that she thought I would like. The selections were beautiful and reasonably priced. Plus, they looked absolutely amazing on! Toya informed me the Cary Henderson, the owner, travels to Los Angles personally and hand picks everything that is sold at all locations. To my revelation I learned that there are three other retail sites including two that are also inside of Esplanade mall, "Spotlight for Prom" and "Spotlight for Less." The third store is housed in the Riverwalk Outlet mall at 500 Port of New Orleans next to Steven Madden.

I left Spotlight feeling really inspired by their brand's story. With 20 years of legacy, along with many ups and downs, we can all take away from this a drive to keep our faces strongly planted towards the wind and just keep going. It was a pleasure becoming aware of their true brand's success.

On my Mind: Pedophiles should have rights, are you fucking kidding me!?

1/24/2018

I took a social movements class one semester in my last year of undergraduate school at Southeastern Louisiana University in the spring of 2015. I was asked to pick a movement that I was passionate about. I chose the Stop Child Sexual Abuse movement. This choice was largely due to the fact that I had just become aware of my son being sexually abused at the age of five. So, when I saw this viral video on Facebook I had to share some first hand knowledge that I encountered while completing my degree in Behavioral Science. Here is a review I wrote in response to a required reading I did in a class called "Population."

Check out the viral Facebook video here.

Read the full article, I am referring to, from chapter 31 in the book entitled The Lesbian and Gay Studies Reader by clicking below.

Capitalism and Gay Identity

“The rights of young people are especially critical. The acceptance of children as dependents, as belonging to parents, is so deeply ingrained that we can scarcely imagine what it would mean to treat them as autonomous human beings, particularly in the realm of sexual expression and choice.” -John D'Emilio

Check out my response!

A Review and Reflection: Capitalism and Gay Identity

Count the Ways: 25 Ways to Love Yourself

11/12/2017

She stopped going out in public. She didn't want to be around people because when they whispered, laughed or looked her way, then proceeded to turn and speak with the companion accompanying them, she questioned herself... Were they talking about her? "Maybe, it's the fat hanging over the waits line of my jeans." or "Could it be my hair, it really looks a mess today." "Oh God, this outfit does look kind of cheap." She thought.

Does this remind you of someone? If so, then this is your sign. Take it for what it is. Do you even love yourself?

Why is it that we can be our own worst critic or what biblical text would call our own worst enemy. It seems we have no trouble in doing so, as a matter of fact, it's easy and at times we can go the extra mile for it? Wouldn't you say? However, this kind of thinking can lead to a lifetime of unfulfilled potential that is devoid of passion. I have a question to ask...

What does loving yourself really look like?

25 Ways to Love You More

I've been on my own personal journey the past few months that has lead me to question the love I genuinely have for myself. I believe many people ponder this idea, of putting or thinking of others first, as the ultimate standard that we should live up to in order to be decent human beings at the end of our lives. However, I believe this is the wrong perspective to take. Think of it this way, you have to work on yourself first, before you will ever be put into a position that allows you to think or act on a higher purpose for the blessings that success has given you. Doesn't that make sense, but most importantly doesn't it feel right?

Most people expect love to be easy, but I want you to dive deeper in an effort to think of the last time you wholeheartedly loved someone other than yourself. Was it easy? Think about the things you had to pick your battles with, the sacrifices you made to support them, or the time and energy you had to put into developing the relationship. Now imagine yourself giving that same kind of effort to yourself. Have you truly been loving on you?

If you have any doubts right now, I want to help you sort it out, but most importantly I want to give you some information that can help you get 25 steps closer to putting a bit more love into yourself.

1. Commit to your personal vision. What is your highest vision for yourself? What are the key steps you have to take in order to get there?

2. Believe in yourself. The first step to achieving your goals is to believe you can reach them. What limiting beliefs may be holding you back from cultivating the life you want? What can you do to change your current belief system.

3. Think and be positive. We all, from time to time, have negative thoughts that enter our conscience mind without warning. When a negative thought enters your mind immediately change that thought by thinking an opposite which is of course a positive thought. Repeat the positive thought to replace the negative thought should it arrive in your conscience mind again.

4. Live in the present moment. Life in the present is too precious to waste time thinking about the past and planning heavily for the future. If you do, you could risk enjoying your right now!

5. Have a sense of urgency.Treat yourself and your goals like you would treat a customer. Make your development a priority! Take planned out action to reach goals.

6. Set boundaries. Boundaries are healthy and can help you reach goals by putting a halt to overextending yourself, which can in turn leave less time and energy for you to fuel your goals.

7. Focus on your goals. Take time out to write down your goals, then write out the steps you need to take in order to accomplish them. Plan your projects in a planner.

8. Maintain or develop a growth mindset. Your mindset is so important in changing your habits, patterns and beliefs. Mindset is the key to development and attaining goals.

9. Invest in yourself. Spend money to invest in your development. Take classes, join a mentorship program or get a coach.

10. Eat Healthy.
11. Meditate.
12. Read or listen to books.
13. Drink more water.
14. Exercise regularly.
15. Take care of your skin.
16. Invest more care into your style and appearance.
17. Laugh more.
18. Be patient with yourself.
19. Let go of negativity.

20. Be kind to yourself.
21. Work on your spiritual development.
22. Cling to the good things in life.
23. Honor yourself.
24. Be more social.
25. Trust yourself.

Love in the Digital Age

10/7/2015

Hi there my pretties! I've decided to take a day off from blogging the first Friday of every month. So, if you've missed me just know that I was thinking of you. (inserts smiley here) While I was away I had a conversation that led to questions about knowing what love is and how to recognize it when it shows up. First, lets face it! The landscape of love and relationships have changed quite a bit since the introduction of social media technology into the sphere of intimate personal connections. As a matter of fact, I met my husband on the all to well known social media mogul Facebook. It really was a chance encounter, but what's funny about this particular meeting is that it was predicated by an infamous physic astrologer whose name I won't mention here due to the controversy surrounding her.

With that being said, I want everyone to understand that love is a choice, just like any other choice you make for your life. However, in order for it to work (the delusional "happily ever after") both parties must choose love and be committed to working out whatever obstacles that may (WILL) be presented along the journey of the relationship. And I will be the first to admit it... It's not easy!

We all know that saying, "Nothing easy is worth having." Well, the same is true for relationships. Every couple who gets married wants the 50 year anniversary kind of love. You know that love that amazes everyone in the room? Yeah, that! However, everyone does not make the cut because it's only possible if both parties are all in. A divorce is not worth having because it's easy. You never have to address your flaws or hold yourself accountable for your actions and ultimately you miss the opportunity to grow as a person. Walking away is easy. Staying is only for the strong.

I have learned that you should never go into a relationship with expectations. And this is not to say that you should take abuse from a partner; mental, verbal, physical or emotional. What I am saying is, you should understand the very basics of your love, friend or business interest before you enter into a relationship with anyone.

Where do you see the relationship going? What are you seeking from the partnership? Do they meet an overwhelming amount of your preferences? (hobbies, lifestyle, interests) These are not expectations! They are qualifying factors for a future relationship. This is very important to remember and understand. Once you get this, everything else is easy. You just go with the flow! Address challenges as they come, while remembering to eliminate expectations of a specific outcome.

For example, you and your partner have been at odds for a week and the two of you finally resolved the disagreement where you proclaimed your love and your partner does not. This does not mean that your partner does not love you! Or for example, you text your partner and it takes them over an hour to respond. Again, this does not mean your partner does not care about you. It means they were busy and as soon as they had time to reply, they did! Here's another good one. They liked a picture on Instagram of another attractive individual. This does not mean they want to start a relationship with that person! Remember, they are also in the relationship putting in the work needed to insure a lasting partnership. Actions speak louder than words. So please, give them credit and be patient with their process.

Hope this helps...

Take care of you,
-AMA

Unrestrained Illusions

9/25/2015

Back rubs
And Sunsets
Love from your lover
Silk panties
Wild nights
Passionate sex

Tonight's a dream
Full of fantasy

You're naked
I'm donned in leather
Ready to beat you
For your transgressions

You're a sinner
I'm your redeemer
Bow and kiss my feet

Yeah, Daddy
Just like that

What did you say
I can't hear you

Yes...
I'm your Queen

-Alicia Monique Adewumi

The Connection to the Sky: Is to Know Thyself

9/16/2015

I have always been infatuated with the sky. As a child I stared directly at the sun knowing that it could extremely damage my eyesight. The sun produced a feeling inside of me that I cannot quite explain. That ball of fire somehow reached down into my soul to touch something I still am unable to fully comprehend, but I know that there is something magnificent dwelling there. I would stare at floating clouds and trees swaying in the breeze, especially at the beginning of autumn, just shortly after the fall equinox. In those moments I knew I could do anything. My connection to the sky and nature was undoubtedly strong. To this day, nothing can ever taint it.

It’s funny that I can remember my introduction to astronomy like it was yesterday. I was in the 6th grade. And what I remember most is an assigned project that required me to pick my favorite constellation and write a short essay about it. If you know anything about constellations then you know that they are associated with mythology, which is a set of stories, traditions, or beliefs linked with a distinctive group of people or history of events, originating naturally or deliberately. My admiration stood with the constellation Cassiopeia, known as the lady in the chair. Cassiopeia was, the mother of Andromeda, according to Greek mythology, the Queen of Ethiopeia. I was so passionate about this constellation to the point where I was imaging myself to be her. I am known for having a huge imagination, for which I have sorely been criticized for. However, my imagination was also highly praised and even encouraged to be further developed by one person in particular, Ms. Benita Little, who showed me how high my talents could take me if only I disciplined myself to work harder. She helped me achieve recognition during my 3rd year of grade school in 1993, by winning 1st place in a Young Author's Contest, an experience I will never forget. I am writing all of this to say that my love for the sun, moon, stars and the universe lured me into loving Astrology by the time I was in high school as a result of a book called The Secret Language of Birthdays purchased by my mother. She is unaware that I have quietly horded this book for years now. Practically, since the moment I first explored its pages... Shhh! I have no intention of ever returning it to her…

When I am passionate about something I always share what I have discovered with others. So, in acknowledging that, many people who know me can tell you that they have seen the infamous birthday book. My infatuations only grow from here, into a deep sometimes intense study of the lost art of Astrology; which was extremely popular during the 3rd millennium BC up until the 17th century and is now making a strong come back. Therefore, in researching this art form (once considered a scholarly tradition) I went through great lengths to hunted down my exact time of birth. For years, up until my 18th birthday, I did not have an official birth certificate. Instead, my christening documents were used in its place. When I finally obtained a birth certificate the time of my live birth was unknown by my mother. I contacted Lakeside Hospital, where I was born, in 2009 for archived information regarding my birth that turned out to be a success. The records even included an ink print of my little baby foot!

I use Astrology to understand who I was, who I am and who I am becoming. Its study has had a very powerful and almost spiritual effect in my life. At times, when I feel the need for console, I turn to the stars; it’s like my own personal on call life coach/therapist. Astrology is a science that can be indispensable to those who can learn to appreciate it. In my unique birth chart My Sun sign and my Moon sign is in Virgo with Capricorn rising at 20 degrees. Knowing all three of these aspects of your particular birth chart is important in order to understand your relation to the cosmos. Once you find out your rising sign, you would read your horoscope for your Sun sign (which usually answers the question “what’s your sign?”) along with the horoscope (or forecast) for your rising sign (the zodiac sign with its degree ascending, on the eastern horizon, at the specific time and location of your birth). Basically, you should be reading two different horoscopes per month. If you know the time of your birth and would like to find out your sun, moon and rising sign click here.

What’s so above, is so below

Later for now pretties,
-AMA

Thirty, Flirty and Thriving: Cherchez La Femme

9/11/2015

(image by Derks Works) from hartandhoney.com

Do you know that movie, 13 Going on 30? Yeah! Well, do you remember that part when Jenna exclaims to her mother that she does not want to be thirteen, but she wants to be like those people; while pointing to a picture in Poise magazine? "I want to be thirty, flirty and thriving!" Believe it or not, I think that scene pretty much captures and sums up how I felt when I actually turned thirty.

I think there's this myth surrounding the idea of turning 30, that it's the age when you figure it all out, when you have it all together, and you have the vision with the resources to not just dream, but to act it out. This was not the case for me. However, I have always considered myself to be a late bloomer. Most people see that as a bad thing, but not me. I have learned to master my beautiful flaw. And there's a possibility that it's not a flaw at all, but a divine gift given to me by God upon my birth. I prefer to think of it in this way!

2012 is a year I will never forget, and let me tell you why. I not only made thirty that year, but it was the year of a massive mental breakdown. I was diagnosed with clinical depression in March of 2012, after seeking professional help from a Psychiatrist. Due to that diagnoses, I began being treated with Viibry, an anti-depressant at a 20mg dose. However, I was still experiencing an up and down effect of my mood that led to the dose of the medication being gradually increased over a 9 month period to 40mg. Once the maximum dose was reached I continually experienced a loss of focus and concentration. Vyvanse was then added to my treatment which further led to serious complications of total exhaustion and deep depression. It was my intention at the time to improve my medical condition and succeed in the progression of my Bachelor's degree. These unforeseen events impelled me to retroactively withdraw from Southeastern Louisiana University (the university I was attending) in the fall semester of 2012; then take a semester off (which turned into a year and a half). I call this the year of the FALL. And only the ground was there to catch me.

In June of 2014 I finally re-enrolled at Southeastern. By this time I had decided to end all medication that had been prescribed to me, including the relationship with my Psychiatrist. Some people asked me why I was wasting my time going back to school, but I knew why I was doing it and I had to finish what I started in order to feel right within. By May of 2015, I was a graduate. Now I'm on a totally new journey. I am not even close to where I think I should be, yet I still have hope that I will reach the highest possibilities of my goals and dreams. To all those turning thirty this year, keep your head high, this is only the beginning!

Take care of you,
Alicia

The Making of a Boss

9/9/2015

This art work was done with Sally Hansen Insta-Dri nail polish (Rapid Red, Mauve It, Cinna-snap, Gone Gray and Go for Gold). "Nasty Gals do it better" is the Nasty Gal's company slogan. Shown here is a recreation based on a previously held Instagram contest asking fans to show their devotion to the Nasty Gal brand.

I met her through my favorite fashion magazine in 2012, the November issue of ELLE. She was everything I aspired to be and she was a Millennial (a member from the generation born between 1980 and 2000). Sophia captivated my inner bad girl, but most of all she captivated my internally inspired boss. I was so exhilarated by her story that I shared it with all my friends. As a consequence, they can quite honestly tell you about my excitement for Sophia Amoruso and her rise to her #GIRLBOSS throne. I shared her story in speeches, presentations and in socializing within my college level courses. And when her book released in May of 2014 I rusted to Barnes and Noble to eagerly purchase my copy of #GIRLBOSS written by the praiseworthy rags to riches queen herself and CEO of Nasty Gal. I guess you can say I was intoxicated by the possibilities that Sophia Amoruso presented to me. After all, ELLE has featured some of the most powerful and up and coming female ambitionist since its conception in 1985, exactly three decades ago, in order to inspire and motivate young women from France all the way to the United States and this feature was no exception.

In 2012 , when the article "Talk Dirty to Me" featuring Sophia Amoruso written by Maggie Bullock was published in the November issue of ELLE magazine, her company's reported revenue was at $22.9 million. As of the release of her book in 2014 (above) this figure had more than quadrupled to over $100 million anually. A 23% growth.

I had, just two short month prior to the release of this issue, turned thirty and I was completely lacking passion much like Sophia when she decided to launch Nasty Gal on eBay. A girl that could be good at almost anything, could not seem to stick with any of those things for long because of her lack of passion for them. This is what connected me to the Nasty Gal and I will admit, I was totally amazed!

To say that she confesses to hating the word "empowerment" is strangely ironic, being that she has empowered me in a subtle way to launch this blog. Sophia, I'm sorry to sound so tampon-y, but it's the truth; without ever having the pleasure to yet wear the Nasty Gal brand you helped me express something inside. I don't have to be a wallflower or skate through life being unnoticed. Armed with my sexy. I'm owning myself!

Read the ELLE magazine article, Talk Dirty to Me, by Maggie Bullock here!

Not Far From the Singing Oak

9/4/2015

I found a spot not far from the Singing Oak, near Big Lake and the Wave of the World in City Park. Once I settled down onto the grass under a huge live oak tree; I began to take in the scenery. There was a cool fresh feeling to the day. That feeling right before the wonderful days of fall. My favorite time of the year by the way. And no, it’s not just because I was born a week before the September Equinox (the beginning of the fall season). However, it is a plus none the less!

I fell in love with fall because of the cool windy weather and the crisp smell of colorful autumn leaves falling from trees. It’s the perfect weather for joy rides with the windows down, the sunroof back, and your favorite beats blaring. The season for counting down to my dearest holiday of the year. Christmas, where you can give until it almost hurts. While on the subject, I absolutely adore giving! And the fact that you can give so freely without people visualizing sucker written across your forehead is weirdly liberating for me… Go figure! It’s free rein when you are in the season of generosity. This is the time of year that marks the most rewarding and joyful of family interaction that is very important to me, where we all come together, plan, cook, and share our cherished experiences from the year passing. Fall, I love you…

I came here, not far from the Singing Oak, so that I could reflect on where I have been and to focus on where I want to go. Reflection is a necessity in life, but it is also an important part of goal setting. First, you have to understand where you have been. Next, you must find out what you have learned. And finally, you need to know what it is you want to take away with you in order to grow in a more radiant, yet fruitful direction. I always reflect before I set any new goal. It helps me to be clear and focused on what is next. There should consistently be a “what’s next” mentality. Where are you trying to go? What goals are you trying to achieve? How can you make those goals happen?

“What’s next?”

Alicia M. Adewumi

"I feel absolutely challenged in just being myself, yet building my life on a foundation of excellence."

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