I have noticed that with my change from being the predictable people pleaser, to more balanced give and take relationships, there has been huge impacts on former friendships. My intuition tells me that old friends may view me as stuck up or a real bitch, but in fact that is not the case. I am no longer the person I use to be yet my heart still beats the same.
I still desire the happiness of my friends (former/current) and family. I still wish the best for every last one of them. I am a very forgiving person. I never forget anyone from my former life that played a significant role in my past experience. How could I? I love to love people. I'm just not as trusting as I once was and actually I am working on that particular aspect of myself which has developed over the years. I have come to the conclusion that it is time to close the chapter on my past life and mark it as history. Who I use to be and who I once shared myself with are gone. I cannot expect for old friends to understand who I am becoming now because honestly they know of a person who does not exist anymore, a former self. I am not sure where signals were crossed or when I began to be distrustful of the motives of others. I know it was a series of events, one after the other, that led to the current situation of old friendships.
The ending is a bitter sweet one, where you remember the good times and try to bring closure to what may have gone wrong or could have been. What I do know is that whatever transpired between what I believed to be solid friendships, led to the dismemberment of bonds that once mattered. Now, I can only count one and I have learned that there are no guarantees of a lifetime membership to BFF. Maybe we may reconnect in a future time and place, but as for now I’ll remember what I once shared in “the sweet land of fellowship” with old friends as we walked together.